i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
