I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You need Xanax blowdarts
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
