The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
