Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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