she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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