My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
