Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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