I wish i was in the wii world.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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