I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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