Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
