Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
