My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
