We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
