He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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