I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
