I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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