in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
