i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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