nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
