Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
