these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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