Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
