lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
