He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
