Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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