Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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