I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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