dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize