Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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