holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Did I show you my penis last night?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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