You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
