Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
