I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
