You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
