He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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