Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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