There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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