Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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