Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
