I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize