I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
