his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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