mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
