just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
