Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
