apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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