I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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