K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
