the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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