there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
