I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
