I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
