3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
