hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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