my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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