we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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