Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
