So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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