Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
