First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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