I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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