I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
