Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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