I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
