Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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