apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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