If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize