Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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