your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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