Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the day after is always just damage control
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
