Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
