Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
