Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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