check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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