i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
