Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
